I'm having one of those moments where I just need to sit down and type out my feelings because I'm really frustrated right now.
For starters, I don't have that many true friends (actually I only have ONE true friend that I can call on and he'll drop everything to come and see about me). I have a handful of associates that I can call on the phone on occasion, but no one really that I can call a true friend (with the exception of the one I mentioned above). Only problem is that he's a straight guy; go figure.
I'm LONELY and can't find an outlet to not be so lonely. I go out to bars and people either (a) don't want to talk to me because I'm not white, (b) don't want to talk to me because I don't have a 6-pack and a 50 inch chest, or (c) just want to sleep with me because of that myth about black men (and believe me, for some, IT IS A MYTH).
There are a lot of other things upsetting me right now. For starters, the one person that truly gives a damn is 600 miles away in the DC area. I can't get to him when I'd like and vice versa. I want him with me so badly that it hurts when I realize that he's 600 miles away.
Then there's the usher ministry at my church. There are some old ushers (and some young ones) that talk down to people; that act as if I am their child. After being talked down to for the last time today, I have decided to take a leave of absence to get my sanity together. I don't want to do it, but before I forget that I'm in the house of God, I think I need to.
I just want to be happy and not so damn lonely. Yeah, I got the nice job, a few coins in the bank, my own business and someone that cares about me from afar, but why can't I find some honest people that I can interact with, have a good time hanging out with, and be cool with, without any alterior motives?
It's gotton to the point whereas I just want to sit in the house, watch TV, eat, and go to bed.
You Can't Escape Time
1 year ago