Some people never change...even when you're nice to them

Over the past few months I have had random thoughts about one of my ex-boyfriends. Not random dirty thoughts, mind you, but thoughts such as "is he ok?" and "is he still alive?" I searched for him across the Internet on occasion and came up with nothing.

Until last night. I found him.

Google lead me to a blog that he posts, which in turn lead me to his Facebook page. (I searched Facebook first and foremost and came up with nothing prior to last night.) I sent him a friend request and put my laptop to sleep. This morning when I get into work I power up my laptop and notice that he has a chat widget on his blog, and that he was online. So I reached out to him in an attempt to see how he was doing and to see if he was OK.

It didn't go very well.

The conversation, which lasted all of 10 minutes, was very challenging. I felt as if I were walking on eggshells the entire time. I felt as if he didn't want to be bothered, so I asked him if he wanted to be bothered with me and that if he didn't to just tell me. He didn't say that he didn't want to, so we continue chatting. In the end, it seemed as if he thought I were trying to sleep with him or have him back, and the conversation ended with "I don't want to add you to Facebook right now."


First of all, I don't want you back. I was genuine in my concern for you. You fall off of the face of the Earth, you know what most people think. Secondly, even though you look as though you've been hitting the gym, I don't want to sleep with you. I got a man at home for that. Finally, you are still the arrogant, pompous, stuck-up wanna-be-all-that-kid-with-caviar-taste-and-bologna-and-cheese-money person that broke up with me 15 years ago....and put me out with no where to go, but I digress. Madea said "forgive...but always remember".

So with that being said, I withdrew my friend request from Facebook, ended the chat, closed his blog and deleted it from my favorites and my history. Guess you can say I've deleted him from my history, too.

Oh and by the way, I hired a personal trainer today too.

End Transmission.


Cocoa Rican said...

Tim, I’m a bit perplexed why you reached out to him seeing that his having a blog and a Facebook page would indicate that he’s alive and well. Past partners as friends is a tricky concept that requires genuine love that outlasts the romantic relationship AND the ability to stay away (at least initially) from topics that involve the past. I have two long term partners that I am very good friends with, but the ONE partner that I shared the longest relationship with doesn’t communicate with me and would sooner see me drown in my own urine; that said, I don’t attempt communication and pray that he does well in his life. Our past partners are in our past for a reason and you shouldn’t feel slighted that he prefers not to have a platonic relationship with you. Moreover, your post betrays your feelings of rejection – then and now – and oddly, a tone that you feel that he is physically “together” and you somehow are not. You have a committed and positive relationship now, so I would count my blessings, drop the ZERO and make physical changes to yourself based on the need to be healthy in your current partnership. Some of my exes have some of the best bodies in the business and I’ve gained over 40 lbs in two years and yet I am CERTAIN that I am happier than they’ll ever be. Rejoice in the present. Release the past – including your partner’s apparent ability to psychologically play on any insecurities you may have about your appearance. You’ll find that years from now those very same exes reveal the real reason they’ve had trouble staying in touch…and it usually has more to do with feeling that your current happy relationship reveals their inability to be an adequate other half. Good luck.

Tim said...

You're right Cocoa. Lesson learned. However, and call it a character flaw on my part, I am concerned with most people in my past - whether they have treated me right or not. I say most because some past characters have passed on. Am I upset over what happened in the past? No. (It'll take a cocktail night out to explain all of that.) Am I upset over our conversation recently? Not really. In fact I want to thank him for getting me off the couch and into the gym.

Incidentally, had my first training session last night and I'm seeing some results already. Only 36 more sessions to go.